My name is Dave Grilly. I have been a member of SGI since the fall of 1970. I have been through many ups and downs since I began chanting but always have reached victories in my life which have encouraged me to continue my practice. For twenty-five years I have found gainful employment as computer applications software developer. However, for the majority of my tenure in this field I have always regarded my job as something to pay my bills and not something I looked forward to each day. My real desire was that one day I could pursue a career involving music, creative writing and video. Thirteen years ago this negative feeling took its toll and I needed to take a brief leave of absence do to a depressive mood disorder.

My doctor prescribed Prozac and I was able to return to work after one week. The Prozac felt great for a time but after a few months my behavior seemed too aggressive, comical and bizarre for my coworkers and they strongly encouraged me to stop that stuff. So I did. My job dissatisfaction returned and I quit a high level position with the Federal Reserve Bank of Chicago after six and a half years.

I jumped from computer programming job to computer programming job for the next ten years. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Manic Depression during this time and treated with several medications along with cognitive therapy by many different medical professionals. In the fall of 1999, after quitting a lucrative systems analyst job, I accepted a position as a teacher in a catholic school. I taught K through 8 computer lab and band. Although the job paid less than half of what I made as a computer software developer, I was never happier and fulfilled with what I was doing each day with my life. Unfortunately, toward the end of the semester I was experiencing a terrible bout of depression and asked to resign. Everyone in the school was shocked and upset, especially the band students. The kids did not want me to leave and practically hung on to my coat as I loaded my stuff into my car on my way out.

This was the lowest point in my life, ever. I felt that I had let all those kids down and blew my chance to change careers. In February of the year 2000 I was encouraged by a fellow SGI member, who was also a professional musician, to audition for a job playing in the show band for a cruise ship. I followed his advice and got a job on Holland Cruise Lines out of Fort Lauderdale. I received guidance from Pascual Olivera, who has worked cruise ships for over thirty years. He told me to give this opportunity a try. I might like it and I might hate it but I will not know until I try. He told me that through this line of work I would have to opportunity to see the world. I was so exited that I got rid of my apartment, put all my things in storage and planned to stay on these cruise ship until I saw to whole world.

I arrived in Ft. Lauderdale and board this huge ship. For the next three days I was totally absorbed in music with the band. However, I felt totally burned out from preparation for this long trip. Learning that I would have practically no living space my patience wore thin. To ease my frustration, I decided to try sitting in with some of the other bands on the ship. Because of this the ship music director scolded me severely and told me that everything I do must be cleared through him first. This brought on a manic episode (medical term for...really ticked off!!!) and I went to my tiny cabin, called the captains office and declared MUTINY. I declared yelling throughout my ship's floor hallways that;

!!! I am now Captain of this Ship, who's with me !!!

Many people were shocked and ran out of the hallways back into their cabins.

This was something the ship security did not take lightly. I was immediately called to the security office and ask to explain myself. They wanted me to stay and calm down. They told me that they get wacko musicians all the time and are used to this type of behavior from them. However, when I told them about my medical condition and that I wanted to get off the ship as soon as possible they were much obliged. They shot me up with Thorazine and had me disembark in the Cayman Islands. As destiny played its piece, I only lasted five days on my first cruise.

This was all like a very bad dream. However, from the Cayman Islands I was able to fly to FNCC and attend the March 2000 Mens Division Conference. At this conference I received encouragement from Vice-General Director Darnell Pulphus, SGI Staff Greg Martin, and Edward Clark. I was also able to perform with famous jazz guitarist Larry Coryell. Through this conference I was able to gain a new determination and a new start in life.

When I came home I had no place to stay. A very helpful friend suggested that I check out these apartments in Hyde Park on the south-side of Chicago. I found a very inexpensive newly remodeled tiny studio apartment and moved in the next day. I never thought I would end up on the south-side of Chicago in Hyde Park. Although originally from the south-side, I had not lived there for over twenty-seven years. But, a thought finally occurred to me. For many years I wanted to purse a Ph.D. in Ethno-Musicology at the University of Chicago. I was over-whelmed with excitement and I finally realized why I ended up in Hyde Park.

There was one major catch to this new realization. I was totally broke, severely in debt and had no job. For the sake of survival I would have to go back to work as a computer programmer as that was the quickest way to get money in my pocket. Within a couple months I began working as a Sr. Programmer/Analyst for the famous AON insurance company. For the next two years my only involvement with the University of Chicago would be playing in their concert band and their jazz band. Although this involvement was relatively light, I impressed the entire music faculty and many students through my performance on saxophones, clarinets and flutes. They all have expressed there support in helping me work on my Ph.D. at the university.

I hung on to my computer job and tried my best. However, in December of last year (2001) my depression became so acute I had to begin taking time off for treatments. In February and March of this year (2002) I underwent a series of shock treatments. I tried to return to work but my behavior was so bizarre and hyper that I was ask to leave and get more help from my doctor. I was experiencing a manic episode and for several months my life was in chaos. The good news is that I was paid during this whole time. In July I was actually stable enough to take a graduate level course at the U of C and completed the course with an A. However, my Short-Term Disability would run out shortly after that. Even though I was awarded a monthly benefit from Social Security, I would still be $1000 short each month in covering all my bills. I was becoming very anxious and dreaded the thought of going back to computer programming just so that I could survive.

In the fall of 2002, I had the good fortune of receiving a visit in my from three top SGI-USA leaders. I related this entire experience (that I just related previously in this article) to them. One of them pointed out that I had the, Genius Disease. I was using my head and not my heart and my guts from my Buddha nature to live my life. He also said that when we chant to the Gohonzon that we must put all our concentration into it so that we can become the GOHONZON ourselves. Then, now that we are the GOHONZON, we must put are whole life into what ever we need to do. He said putting so much determination into our endeavor that our life becomes, white ash. He also told me that when I get depressed or angry that I should take a break and do sometime different, something new, something that I would enjoy.

These long time friends then thanked me for all the years that I have contributed music to the SGI organization. I told him that I have been through countless activities and struggles with him but I have never been able to have a chat with him face to face like this for a couple hours. I was so overjoyed.

They then began to end our visit with three daimoku. Much to my surprise he found something wrong with my Buddhist alter. I had decorated it with flutes from all around the world and other items which I collected from trips to Japan. My SGI friends praised my sincerity because they knew how much I loved music but they also encouraged me to clear these items out of my alter as they distracted my focus on the GOHONZON. I was encouraged to always try to focus on the character MYO when chanting daimoku. They related that through every nation-wide campaign where members from all over the country were traveling to a certain city members would pray fervently this way so that no accidents occurred. I reflected on these many activities and remembered how smoothly thing went each time. I was assured that when I chant this way all my problems would clear up and all my prayers would be answered.

The next week I began chanting sincerely in this way for two and three hours each day. After one week I received a call from Prudential Life Insurance stating that they approved my claim for Long Term Disability. This claim was previously denied due a pre-existing condition clause. The women handling my claim said that she had gone to bat for me that week and was able to get this technicality overturned. I will now received $3000/month for the next two years plus a retroactive payment of $7700. These monthly payments will allow me to retrain for a new career over the next two years. My dream is to become a Digital Media Designer and develop educational multi-media products which will truly help people lead happier lives.

Currently I am assisting the University of Chicago in developing a new Jazz Studies program. I have received encouragement from many SGI members to help the U of C get involved with the SGI peace activities. Because of its prominence in Physics and so many other areas, they both agree that the U of C must take a leading role in world peace. This means that the SGI members in Chicago must play a key role in establish strong bonds of friendship and continued dialogue with the entire U of C community. Because Chicago is in the center of SGI/USA we must help all SGI/USA members by setting a great example. I promise to set mine each day.

I will continue by writing about the remaining span of time from September of 2002 to the present. This includes going back to school full-time as an art student at Harold Washington College where I received professional certification in Digital Multi-Media

Design and completion of the Professional Writing Program at the U of C, worked for two years part-time as a substitute teacher in the CPS, held weekly meeting at my home as Vice-District Leader, video taped over 40 SGI Chicago Peace Concerts, went back to work at the Illinois Department of Employment Security as a Web Developer, got back together with my brother Lanny to reunited the Grilly Bros. Quintet where at the Marriot in 1980 Pres Ikeda told us that we must become the, World’s Greatest Jazz Ensemble for Peace, and I saved up enough money to buy a wonderful condo in Lincoln Park and ended up in the absolutely fantastic SGI-USA Lincoln Park District where I feel my it is my mission to make my lifetime mark for accomplishing Kosen-Rufu. It’s been a long seven years getting back home but my life has totally changed and I am now ready to dedicate myself to helping others practice this Buddhism.